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Midweek holidays raise quite the bother, particularly when said holiday is one of life’s grand party outings.

It goes without saying then that St. Patrick’s Day 2016 falling on a Thursday is less than ideal.

Sure, getting slammed on a work/school night probably doesn’t fall under the “responsible life choices” category, but the root of the problem extends far beyond weekday imbibing.

For starters, the adulting class gets vacation days for a reason and college students who schedule (and actually attend) Friday classes deserve no one’s sympathy.

The larger issue is the lack of grandeur available midweek.

There are two St. Paddy’s-themed 5ks and a holiday pub crawl downtown. You can and should participate in those events, but they’re all scheduled on weekends around the holiday and that just won’t do. You like to party, after all, and leaving the holiday itself unobserved seems criminally wrong.

Well don’t despair, friend, for your St. Paddy’s Day salvation lies in Midtown for Reno’s premier Irish(ish) event: the Mega Ultra St. Paddy’s Day Irish Dive Bar Pub Crawl Extravaganza.

What’s that, you say? You’ve never heard of the Mega Ultra St. Paddy’s Day Irish Dive Bar Pub Crawl Extravaganza?

Fair enough, I just invented it (Feel free to have t-shirts made. You’re welcome.). It means you’re going to spend St. Paddy’s doing what everyone in Reno should be doing, which is celebrating with a “create your own pub crawl” on Wells Ave.

Wells Ave. is home to several great Irish pubs like Filthy McNasty’s (with a name like that, you know it’s good), Lucke’s Saloon, Ryan’s Saloon and Corrigan’s Bit O’Ireland all ready for a rowdy St Paddy’s Day. If you want parties and drink specials, these fine establishments have you covered.

There are also great spots like PJ’s, Wonder Bar and Jub Jub’s Thirst Parlor that will do in a pinch.

No offense to the folks at Crawl Reno, who rock the hell out of themed crawl events all year long, but you don’t need them for this one (besides, if you really like to party you should be enjoying their event, too). Plan a route, go green and thank your lucky clover that you get to wear your drinking hat on St. Paddy’s.

Get lucky at the Leprechaun Crawl

First, a word on dive bars

For all you patrons of the above establishments who may be offended by use of the term “dive bar”, hold on a tick before you start winging empty bottles and profanity in this direction.

The term “dive bar” does carry negative connotations, but only for people who hate fun. If you’re a genuine Renoite, you already know that “dive” is really just a Gaelic term meaning “awesome”. It’s science.

To designate a place a “dive bar” should not only be a term of endearment but a proclamation of an establishment’s fun, local personality and lack of pretention.

There’s nothing dodgy about all these so-called dive bars, or, if there is, it’s all part of the charm. Anybody who says otherwise is a Grade-A wanker.

Lead the way

Now that we’ve got that bit of business out of the way, it’s time to get down to your evening’s itinerary.

Honestly, make the night whatever you want. Have a favorite Wells Ave. pub? Feel free to park and camp. All these bars are within walking distance, however, so you can easily start at Filthy McNasty’s and work your way north to Ryan’s Saloon.

Rapscallion might not fall under the “dive bar” or “pub” umbrella, but if your group is game for a great dinner, start there before the drinking starts in earnest. You’ll find great food choices at a lot of these bars, though, so eat at your leisure.

Also, Ceol and Shea’s Tavern are nearby. If that’s your jam, don’t hesitate to include them on your foray.

From the drink menu

As you ponder your evening’s drink choice, there’s a little poem you should take to heart. It’s a limerick(ish)

Guinness. Whiskey. Repeat.

Guinness. Whiskey. Repeat.

“But would you be a dear

and grab me a green be...”

Guinness. Whiskey. Repeat.

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